August 24

I know i just posted a blog but I'm staying up all night because I have a plane to catch in approximately 5 hours, so eh i chugged a monster. I looked for a series to watch or a movie but nothing seemed interesting. I decided im going to get into the show weeds, ironically since my last post was about how im done with it. On episode two now of the first season and i enjoy it. Getting an energy drink to stay awake was a stupid idea, because my dumbass forgot there is always a crash and my body is entering that crash at the moment. Good thing i have to stay awake for three more long hours. And then drive a half hour to the airport. Im gonna crash the second i get on that airplane. When the lady with obsessive amount of make up comes by with the food cart about to hit my leg, she can keep strollin' along because ill be asleep. On a heavier note..

What Up Ex Girlfriend, this one is for you.

Song Number 2 I wrote

Good Luck, Kid

Just dug my own grave, take my shovel

I’m going to lay in it

I want to test it out

I’d have you join but we both won’t fit

You should be the one laying here not me

But instead you’re out there living life, you’re free

I hope you’re as happy as you’re pretending

But I don’t wish the same for me

I’m pretending now, yes

But I won’t for long, that’s the difference between us

I can pass this test

What kills the most is you will be back

But what happens when I’m gone,

And you’re stuck throwing your own pitches

Well I spoke to the genie in the bottle

He said you used up all your wishes

Where is life going to bring you now once I disappear?

You should have thought of that

before you took what we had, destroyed it and left only a smear

So I guess this is it

good luck to you kid

I hope you find someone who understands you

Cause I never did

Todays Date: I dont know its the 23rd or Something

I decided the other day I'm done smoking weed. I wasn't ever addicted or did it a lot. Then again what do you consider a lot. When i first started smoking weed i couldnt tell you why i did it especially since i didn't even get high in the beginning, so basically i gave my friend 5 dollars and He or She would also throw 5 and he/she would get us usually a gram to smoke. Or i would smoke for free because its college. Either way it was pointless. When i finally started to get high i guess it was alright nothing to brag about and defanatley nothing to get remotely excited about. I guess i continued to do it because i liked the knowing that i was high, it was different. I liked putting my body in situations that it hasnt been in before. That sounds bad actaully. But then summer came after my freshman year of college. Almost everyone of my friends smokes weed on occasion, in fact i dont think i have a good friend that hasn't hit a bowl or a bong. Back to my somewhat story. Summer came and one of my good buddies ironically the one who used to be against weed and hated me for a week when he found out i smoked. Well he smokes around a gram a day. It actually got to the point where it was weird if i saw him when he wasn't high. I smoked with him probably 4-5 times a week. It started off okay but it got to the point where i would have really depressing thoughts. I would always feel like the world is against me when im high and everyone knew it but me. That's rediculous. But at the time, while being high i truley believed it and would overthink the fuck out of every situation. It got to the point of it being really unhealthy, well weeds never healthy, but i would rather do anything that put myself through depressive thoughts. It was weird, when i would get high the same people would text me and i would always think is this a coincidence or is the world really against me and everyone knows something i dont. Kinda like the Movie the Truman show, which i blogged about earlier. It got to the point where i friend would say, "Hey wanna Smoke" and i would think "No i dont want to get depressive thoughts, over think and hate myself", but either way i would do it cause there was nothing else to do. How Pathetic is that. Either way im done with it. I go back to school in a week and all my friends at school smoke so it will be interesting to see what happens. We will see i guess. I should probably write another blog right after this, since this is about weed. How stupid.

I'm starting to become content with everything and accepting myself. I used to live as an uncharged battery and the only charge i would get to survive was a compliment and if i didnt have them id feel dead. How pathetic does that sound. Life is about the attitude you bring to it. No one gives a fuck who you are. No one gives a fuck where you come from or how you were raised. No one gives a fuck what your personality is and no one gives a flying fuck what you look like. No one but you. Life is all imagery and you are the artist and im starting to paint my own world the way i want it.

Day 6

My friends are getting annoyed by my obsession with Brand New. Ive never had a band that i truley have ever been obsessed with. I used to have a giant boner for Red Hot Chili Peppers, but nothing like this. There is something that is so incredibly unique about their music that i love. Their dark imagery in the metaphores that they song of i really think are brilliant. My favorite song right now is "Sink" But it really does change daily. Or hourly. The lead singer Jesse always creates all these dark sublots with imagery which i find amazing. "If you call, then I'm coming to get youYou want to sink, so I'm going to let youAt dawn the fire snuck into your bedroomNow I'm falling asleep to forget you".. Amazing. Brand New is the one band i could listen to all day and not get sick of them. When im in a depressed mood i listen to them and i feel as though we few the world very similar in a lot of things.

Day 5

A song i just wrote.

If My Name Was Attention, Your “I Love You’s” Would Be Sincere

So you tried to make us happy, but you used a revolver

Not the best weapon of choice but who am I do decipher

You built an image of yourself but it is falling off the wall

I’d pick it up if I were you, but that really is your call

You should have taped up better but that’s just my thought

Maybe you should have thought of that before you got caught

I almost wish you would have cheated, anything but this

I almost wish you left, one last kiss

I almost wish you changed your mind

And instead decided to leave,

but no you had another trick up your sleeve

You always had a plan, an idea of what to do next

Thinking of ways to manipulate out of being my latest ex

You told me what I wanted to hear

Showed me what I wanted to see

But you weren’t the person I thought you were

You were something I wanted you to be

….. But it wasn’t the real you.

Its crazy when you think you know someone

Nothing else in your life matters

Whats even crazier is when you figure them out

And your thoughts begin to shatter

What do you do now when you realize they’re not who you thought

Do you stay where you are and hope for the best

Or move on with your life and not fail this test

I give it to you girl you always had a plan

There must be a lot going on in that head of yours

I underestimated you

But you forgot about something

Something you thought you knew

There’s not only one side to manipulating

There’s actually two

Day 4 or 3.5

I have to work in approximately One Hour and Ten minutes. I'm Actually in a good mood for the first time in about three weeks. I am starting to become content with my life which is really the best feeling one can receive when they spend such a long time dwelling. I feel like the bully on the play ground that everyone looks up to or at least pretends too. Maybe i dont look like your stereotypical kid taking lunch money but for some reason i feel like i am at that stage. Maybe it's just today, we will see tomorrow, or tonight when i write something else. Soon i hope to feel like any other kid on the playground, normal. I will. It's coming i hope. I guess all in all im starting to become content and as much as i hate the word happy, maybe that too. We will see as time comes, im trying to keep my head up and not think about it. Yeah, i need to shower before work.

Day 3

" And if i dont see ya, Good Morning, Good Evening, Good Afternoon, And Goodnight"

Have you ever seen the movie The Truman Show. Have you ever thought it was your own life. Lately i have had these thoughts. What if the life you lived wasn't anything you thought it was. Everyone says you cant see how someone else see's the world cause everyone sees it differently. What if ever saw you as "Place your name here" and when you walked in a room, everything was planned. I dont know why, because i think in the movie the whole TV show thing is a little too fake. But really think about it. What if everyone in your life was an actor. What if your life was planned out for you, instead of you planning it out yourself. Has you ever told someone something and they respond saying "Yeah i know" and you think, Wait how? How do you know? i didnt tell anyone. Little things of this sort. I'm sure im just overthinking. But am i? Does everyone know im typing this right now?

Day 2 I guess

I want a girl with a short skirt and longgg Jacket

-Beck

I haven't been on this in forever cause i kinda gave up. But recently i really want to get into it again and develope followers. It's great that this site has Spell Checker cause i clearly need it. One big thing on my mind today is how i want a relationship like this. I want to be in love. I want to be in love like these two and meet a female with a killer sense of style like this ---->

A girl who is polite but deep down doesnt give a flying fuck, Knows what she wants and has a killer style to her self and the way she looks at the world. I want a girl like that. I was at work today and it hit, fuck man i havent been in a relationship in almost a year. But instead of dwelling on why i figured ill keep living my life and what comes, comes for a reason and ill take it as it does.